Sunday, January 25, 2009

Snort, choke, laugh

I just came across one of the most ridiculous lines I think I've ever read in a book. This one is almost as good as the line about the "black, leatherette, American Express credit card holder" in one of Kimberla Lawson Roby's egregious offenses against literature (a book my entire book club back in OH uses as the gold standard of craptacular writing--they even hosted a book burning party with this book, but I digress). This example of ghastly writing comes from something that makes no pretense of being literature: a series romance. Should I attribute the quote, given that if I had been the author I'd want nothing more than to distance myself from this? OK, I won't name names now but when I get around to reviewing it in full form, I make no promises. Here's what stopped me in my tracks as I was reading along, and I invite you all to guffaw loudly as you imagine this line, as intended, in the midst of a seduction scene: "Swiftly and expertly he freed the clasp at the back, easing the soft material from her swollen breasts and replacing it with the heat of his palms, cupping and lifting her in a way that no underwear could ever do." I know, I know. Try not to wet yourself with the laughing. There is so much wrong with this line that it simply defies explanation. Now you know why I read. Sometimes it's not the beauty of the writing but the sheer unintentional comedy is everything and more than you could have hoped for. (Trying to be an optimist here!)


  1. Ooh I needed that! Lucy, my large shedding German Shepherd just came to stick her nose in my face to make sure I was OK I was laughing so hard...

    The poor dear. Maybe her next one will be better :)

  2. ROTFLMAO! That was great - thanks for sharing :)

    Pssst, Birgit - I have a large shedding GSD as well ... aren't they great!?!??!

  3. The worst line I ever came across in a book: "Love and longing burned in his chest, as real and as hot as acid reflux."

    Snort, choke, laugh indeed.

    Yours was indeed snort-worthy.

  4. what was wrong with that? ok, so "underwear" isn't the sexiest word choice...


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