Saturday, January 24, 2009

How to know you are really old

If you are in any doubt that you are no longer young. If the gray hair and wrinkles don't give it away, if the aches and pains and creaks in your joints haven't helped you face reality yet, if the leaky bladder post child-bearing hasn't dripped it into your consciousness, all you need is to go out to a bar with friends. Don't be a masochist and choose a bar that appeals to the preschool crowd. That's just sad and depressing on so many levels. Make sure you choose a bar that has a wider age range than that so that you can maintain your youthful illusion for at least a portion of the evening. Laugh and drink and dance and have all manner of fun. You will start to notice your age when you are the only folks in the bar who can not only sing all the words to the 1983 Lionel Ritchie song and the Animal House soundtrack song, but also that you might be among the few in the bar who were actually alive (and singing and dancing) when these songs were first recorded. As if this wasn't bad enough, also notice that you can sing all the words to current songs such as Britney Spears' Womanizer and Flo Ri Da's Low. Turn white with horror when you realize that the reason you can sing along so well to current stuff is because you spend so much time in the car driving your pre-teens places, not because you are hip and with it (which phrase guarantees your status as older than dirt anyway). Finish your last drink and slink away to your friends' house where you have loads more fun singing karaoke to pop songs from the 80's, because that's the music the young folks listen to nowadays, right?!

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