How to choose a book

Do you judge a book by its cover? I certainly do, to some extent, to the great delight of art and marketing departments in publishing houses the world over. There are certain things that will always convince me to pick up a book: any sort of water word in the title (sea, lake, river, flowing, etc.), book or library in the title, a mostly blue cover, anything that looks like a pool with that sort of water-washed, dappled sunlight thing going on, a cover illustration looking like a book or books (old ones with battered bindings are particularly appealing) or something to do with a library, I do have a fondness for the current trend of disembodied legs so we don't see a character (especially since art departments so frequently get the main character's look so totally wrong), use the word epistolary somehow and you've got my heart sewn up right there, and I love swooning heroine sort of covers on historical books. I'm sure there's more but I'll quit boring you with my idiosyncrasies before I completely lose you.

I don't necessarily buy everything I pick up but given my habits, the odds are pretty good if I take the time to read the back cover copy. I don't think there's a magic thing about the back cover copy that ensures my purchase but there are things that make me return the book to the unsold stacks immediately: if it says, at any point (front cover, back cover, in the blurbs, or in the cover copy itself), that it is a fast-paced thriller, if it mentions a body or blood, if it actually uses the word "dysfunctional." One of my old book clubs, two states ago, dismissed all books that claimed "International Bestseller" status unless someone was willing to vouch for the book. And I know more than a few people who won't buy a book with the Oprah seal of approval on it (I'm certain that there are also more than a few who buy books *because* of that seal too, so...). I'm more lenient on those things but am firmly in the camp of people who *hate* movie covers on books.

So what's do my latest purchases look like, you ask? One has a woman you can only see the midsection of putting on an apron and the dominant colors are blue and yellow. One is yellow with a cartoonish circle of foods, a person riding a bike, and a tractor. One has a 1940's woman hugging a man in uniform and only part of their heads are visible (predominantly white and olive). One has a woman turned away from the camera and zipping up a sherbet colored dress (predominantly greeny-blue). And the last is predominantly a deep rich blue with an open jar of fireflies on it. Any guesses about what I just bought?

Peanuts Was Hungry

If you have a child who regularly doesn't do his or her homework or one who puts things off until the very last minute, you'll know how I felt a couple of days ago when a fellow parent asked me how W.'s book turned out. She knew things weren't good when I gave her a completely blank stare and finally asked "What book?" Turns out that he was supposed to write a 6 or more page book that would entertain a kindergartner or first grader and it was due that morning. Rotten little booger had taken advantage of the fact that hubby and I had been gone for almost 2 weeks and neglected to 1. tell me about it and 2. to do it.

I. was. not. pleased.

So after tears, we got down to the book. In the interest of time (and because he was dripping wet after his swimming lesson--little brother was still doing his), he dictated his book to me and I wrote it down for later typing and illustrating. Despite the procrastination and whining, it turned out really funny. We test drove it by reading it to our resident kindergartner who laughed hysterically at it. Now whether he laughed in order to make his brother feel good or he really thought it was that funny is debatable. Of course, such sibling kindness as in the latter suggestion is generally in short measure here so perhaps he did think it was gut-splittingly funny. I actually think it's cute as can be, and yes, a little funny too.

Here's the book (just imagine the hand drawn illustrations as it's currently at school being graded so I can't scan it). All grammar and phrasing W.'s:

Peanuts Was Hungry

Peanuts the Elephant had a rather larger stomach that most elephants. And he was very, very hungry. At dinner he asked for fifth helpings of his mom's famous mashed potatoes with crickets.

His mom said, "Honey, we've already run out of it." So he said, "I'll just go over to Leo the Lion's and see what he's having for dinner."

When Peanuts got to Leo's, he found that they were eating grilled goat horns and boiled anteater tails. Peanuts helped himself to Leo's dinner. He ate everything on the table, including the tablecloth. Peanuts was still hungry so Leo said, "Let's go to Gary Giraffe's."

At Gary's house, they were having roasted ladybugs in a log and majorly muddy mud pies for dessert. Peanuts helped himself to Gary's dinner. He ate everything on the table, including his silverware. Peanuts was still hungry so he went to Terry Toucan's house.

At Terry's house, they were having fried, rotten bananas. Peanuts helped himself to Terry's dinner. He ate everything on the table, including the flowers in the centerpiece. Peanuts was still hungry so he went to Henry Hyena's house.

At Henry's house, they were having poached porcupine quills and pickled platypus feet. Peanuts helped himself to Henry's dinner. He ate everything on the table, including the table itself! Peanuts was finally full but he didn't feel so good.

Peanuts barfed all over everywhere. Peanuts was hungry again.

If my travelogues generally contain barfing incidents, why wouldn't my 11 (tomorrow!) year old son write a book with barf as the central joke?! And you should see the final illustration with Peanuts blowing his lunch out all over the entire page. Perfectly gross enough for a boy of any age.