photo credit (not that this woman is remotely chubby enough to be me)Show me a woman who doesn't worry about her weight and I'll unmask her as a man in drag. Well, maybe not, but I guarantee I won't like her much. I have struggled with my weight for a long time. When I was swimming competitively I still struggled with my weight, despite how active I was. So you can only imagine how dire the situation got after I graduated from college and stopped darkening pool decks at ridiculous hours of the morning. Mostly I let things go for a long time, expanding at a slow enough rate that I wasn't terribly alarmed. Until one day I was. Alarmed that is. And I have been battling on and off ever since. I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. I ran a marathon. I still had weight to lose but I was happier with how I looked for the first time in a long time. Then we moved. And apparently that last weight loss was just the latest nadir (or pinnacle depending on your point of view but I am a bit of a pessimist with regards to weight loss) on this yo-yo's journey. Because I promptly gained weight with the move. And two years on, the unwanted heft is still hanging around.
So I e-mailed my friend J. who has been through this with me before and we decided to get serious again. We weigh-in once a week and report losses (and gains) to each other and are supposed to generally act as cheerleaders and support staff for each other. In theory this should work, right? Well, this morning was my morning to weigh-in. Two words: Bake Sale. Okay, more than two words. This weekend we had a bake sale to raise money for dance. I baked a lot. I sampled more. I have zero willpower. Then I had to work the Panthers game (assessment of the game from D. who was there with a client: it was cold and we suck, but I digress) and that means I am there from 9am until 5pm or thereabouts. And the only food available to we fund-raising peons is not so very healthy stuff like nachos or hot pretzels or hotdogs. If you don't want to skip a meal, you eat this stuff. (My tally you ask? Yes, nachos; yes, pretzel; no, hotdog.) I totally get that eating this stuff and the lack of willpower at the bake sale sabotages me every day of the week. But knowing it and being able to do something about it are horses of two very different colors.
And now I have to report to J. that this past week was a bloody disaster for me and I gained rather a lot. ::sigh:: Do you think there's any chance she'll buy the fact that Gatsby stepped on the scale with me? I mean, she did but I weighed myself twice after that and the number didn't seem to change. I know she's a small puppy and all but surely her front paws and inquistively sniffy black nose weigh something, right?But eating isn't the whole of it and I know that. I have been working hard to be fairly active. My running is very sporadic. My spin classes have been even more sporadic. But I have played tennis at least two days a week for quite a few weeks now. And I signed up and paid for an adult dance class that makes me sweat like a pig and my daughter's dance teachers feel greater sympathy for R. given how hard she has to work to overcome the enormous lack of genetic ability she's clearly up against. So really, what gives? Is that looming 4-0 really mucking with my metabolism that badly? Or should I be one of the 12 trillion women who marches into her primary care doctor and says, "I think my thyroid isn't working." Don't think I don't know they groan heavily when the real problem is overeating. I get it. I just don't seem to be able to change it. But maybe my thyroid is screwy. I mean, my mom and my sister have screwy thyroids and all. Then again, she said with weary resignation, it could be that darned bake sale and all the good eating opportunities like it every week.
Something must be done about my obesity epidemic. I'm starting to think that duct tape (the solution of choice for all rednecks and those otherwise desperate) over my mouth might be my only option. After all, if nothing else, I need to lose this weight because the fat pants take up far too much space in my drawers. My skinny pants miss me; I just know it.
I struggle too. I had an eating disorder all through college so my metabolism is a bit off to begin with. I've lost it all before, the right way (through WW) but then gained it back with each kid. Now I am right back where I started from and battling food allergies.
ReplyDeleteI am frustrated because the allergies are huge but it's really me just not wanting to have to do this again.
I have struggled with this my whole life, and it's worse now than it has ever been. I've had all the questions about health related issues - diabetes (no), thyroid (no), medications (only minimally), lack of willpower (YES YES YES). I commiserate with you, and am hopeful that one day I'll find the magic solution, or grow a spine when it comes to food. :-)
ReplyDeleteI struggle with weight too but in a different way. I can't keep anything on and even though I eat healthily and plenty, I had teachers ringing home whilst I was at school telling my parents they thought I was anorexic. If I catch a cold or get ill, I can lose up to a stone in a few days. Which everyone says they envy, but isn't actually that great.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your weight loss. You sound like you have a really good attitude towards it :)
I too am very over weight. It wasn't so when I was in school, but just like you, I slowly crept on the pounds. I lost my weight 6 years ago with WW but got pregnant right after and haven't been able to take off the pounds since. I started WW again last week and am down 5.6 lbs. I am so glad that I am not the only one that struggles with self control when it comes to food. It sometimes takes everything I have and then some to say no to eating more. And the more isn't because I am hungry, it is habit and boredom. But I want this weightloss more than I want some yummy food so I will trudge on. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI know what you are feeling Krisen, as I struggled with weight since I was about 10 years old, although I did lose and gain the same 40lbs at least 5-6 times.
ReplyDeleteRight now I am back at WW and down 10 lbs. ..that is one sensible program that works for me. Good luck to you; this is a tough time of year for us all.
I struggle too, and just like you, if I don't move, nothing happens! Sure the bake sales don't help, but given you have a sister and a mum with screwy thyroids it might be worth ruling it out. Good luck and know that you are in no way alone!
ReplyDeleteI've been a yo-yo dieter all my adult life, too, and one thing I know--from reading, writing, and thinking about it--it's not a lack of willpower. Don't beat yourself up is what the authors of Fat is a Feminist Issue would tell you.
ReplyDeleteFor me, lack of exercise is my problem. My eating isn't perfect, but it doesn't take much to nudge me toward healthy eating. Exercise, however, is something that I dislike immensely. I move just enough to keep from getting stiff, but I don't want to do more than that.
ReplyDeleteI say, just remember that tomorrow is a new day. No matter how poorly you did with your eating and exercise today, you can start again tomorrow.
Just wrote a post on losing baby weight now that Gage has arrived. The only time I've ever lost a lot of weight I did it slow and steady and it stayed off.
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