Easter candy and ham

Easter candy is really a gift from Satan, isn't it? Having my kids' baskets around is not doing my will power, self-respect, or waistline any good. It's also killing my credibility as a good mother (Mom, did you eat my peanut butter egg while I was at school?). It was definitely a mistake to buy things I liked to put in their baskets. But when else can you get those luscious Cadbury eggs--creme or caramel? Evil, it's pure evil. (Wonder if the stores still have some of these goodies on clearance or have the other shameless, basket-pilfering parents beaten me to it?

Donuts should never be allowed in my house. I will even eat them two days later adn stale, stuffing them in hand over fist before the kids get off the bus and want one as an after school snack. "Sorry guys, mom ate them all. Why don't you choose something from your Easter basket? Oh crap! I ate that too, didn't I? Have a carrot or something."

What is it about 1pm that inevitably sends me into a food coma? If I am at home after I have lunch, I sink gracefully onto the couch and drift into a nap after eating. OK, I collapse in a sleepy, drooling heap but I could be graceful about it if I wanted! The food coma is from the sugar crash, you say? No! Sugar doesn't affect me that way at all and I don't really eat sugar anyway. Just ignore the progressively emptier Easter baskets. ::snore::

So now that the candy is just about gone and it's time to play hunt the foil wrappers down from wherever the kids have stashed them in an effort to keep them away from sugar-addict mom, we turn to other Easter bounty (I originally typed Eater instead of Easter--maybe I should have left it!). What in the holy heck do you do with 100 pounds of leftover ham? We're already tired of ham sandwiches and I foolishly made spaghetti carbonara *before* Easter so that option's out. Tonight we are having ham, Swiss, and apple bisuits but I'll still probably have two large plastic bins full of ham once I'm done making those. Any suggestions? I'm contemplating buying clearance sale Easter candy, melting it, and drizzling it over the ham in an effort to make leftovers for the fourth day more appealing to the short crew. Or maybe I'll stud it with jelly beans instead of cloves. Oh wait--I already ate all of those too!

Exercise

I thought exercise was supposed to help negate the obscene amount of eating I did over the holidays, not exacerbate the problem! Somewhere I read an exact number of pounds that the average American gains over the holidays. I don't remember the number but do know it was in the ballpark of 5 lbs. from November to January. Because I am an overachiever in all that I do, I gained that 5 in November alone. And since it's unseasonably cold (D. actually felt compelled to call and tell me that this was the coldest November on record here in the sunny south--and he suspects it's our weather curse at work again), I didn't want to go for a run this morning. Actually, the brutal wind was what convinced me today that running was only necessary for fur-covered creatures caught in the middle of the road with a car barreling down on them and even then, it might be warmer to huddle up and pray. And while I can indeed grow an impressive pelt on my legs if I quit shaving, the rest of me doesn't grow fur very well (thank heaven!!!). So without nature's own insulation (not counting the winter blubber layer I've socked in around my middle), I headed to the pool. Because wet hair in cold, windy weather is a better option. :-P It took all my get up and go to get up and go too. But I went, put in my yardage (hint to all those who automatically choose the "fast" lane at the pool: by default, being male doesn't make you fast and it probably won't kill you to be in the "slow" lane while your puddling around in my lane while I'm trying to put in an actual workout with intervals and such might just stress me out beyond all that's rational), and headed to the grocery store. And I used up every last ounce of willpower I owned while at the grocery store to avoid buying peanut butter pretzel sandwiches dipped in milk chocolate. Damn you Snyder's of Hanover folks for creating such a tempting (and mighty delicious--you don't really think the willpower works every time now, do you?) snack that you then strategically place on end caps where I cannot avoid seeing their deliciousness taunting me as I make my way up and down the aisles. Well, I made it out of there without the tasty yummies masquerading as something marginally okay to nosh on by claiming pretzelhood, but as mentioned before, I used the last of the willpower to swerve out of reach of said goodies. And now I'm home and eating like a hoover vaccuum. I can only rationalize about one small snack's worth when I consider the amount of exercise I actually did. ::sigh:: I may never lose this holiday weight (never mind the moving weight I also added over the past few months). My only solution will be to go and live at the Y, although that is within walking distance of Dunkin Donuts and that's not a good option either. Off to try J.'s stop eating trick of cleaning a bathroom. After all, who wants to eat when their hands smell like Clorox and have been near a toilet?

Leftovers

Just in case they find my sad, lifeless body in a slump by the fridge and can't determine the cause of death, someone step in and tell them it was because of leftovers. Yes, as the mom, I am obligated to finish (or at least try) the leftovers of all the meals I've made that no one else will touch. But if my children don't start eating more than a bite or two of each thing, I'm going to have to have more lunches like today's, which included a chicken soup that was originally very good (today it smelled a little off) and tomatoes growing their own penicillin (fancy knife-work got rid of the most egregious mold). Food experts will be pleased to note that I did throw the remainder of the soup away after my lunch was over because it would likely have been able to animate itself and cook me a whole new lunch all on its own by tomorrow. And the worst tomatoes are gone so unless the three remaining go rogue by tomorrow, I'm done with my weekly mold quota. Thank heavens! When in my kitchen and faced with leftovers, you have to trust in antibodies because expiration dates are for sissies. :-)

Do I want to know?

The schools down here offer a service where you can add money onto your child's lunch ticket online. This is amazingly handy. They e-mail me when the account gets below a certain pre-set limit and I pony up the credit card number to keep my kids fed. Convenience, thy name is paypams. Now, as much as I am appreciating this handy-dandy system, I can also see what each of the short members of the family buy each and every day (ie why the account is being drained faster than I have accounted for). I'm not sure this is a good thing. I mean, aren't children's poor nutritional choices at school supposed to stay hidden from their parents? No longer! For instance, the youngest bought himself macaroni and cheese, potato wedges, chocolate milk, and a slice of cake for lunch on Friday. Do you see anything green in that listing? Me either. This fruit and vegetable free meal cost me the rather steep price of $2.75. His sister bought herself almost the same meal, minus the potato wedges (a sweet potato muffin instead and substituting ice cream for the cake slice. Nothing green here either! The middle schooler didn't do any better, choosing *premium* cheese pizza (I don't know what premium means either--other than being a euphemism for "costs more"), chocolate milk, and ice cream. Perhaps I should stop checking their food purchases and give thanks that they aren't yet a part of the childhood obesity epidemic, despite their poor nutritional choices at lunch.

Eating everything in sight

I wonder why I manage to sabotage myself on the food front so often? The past week or so, I've literally been eating everything in a tri-state area. On the plus side, that means we won't have to move it. On the minus side, I will be carrying a reminder of it around my middle for who knows how long. And while I've been trying to eat things that have marginally decent nutritional value to them (in addition to the extra calories), for lunch today, I had 3 doughnuts and a Diet Coke. Yeah, that's healthy! My tennis coach mentioned doughnuts this morning and I was sunk, especially since I still needed to go to the grocery store for milk and other staples for the kids. ::sigh:: Wonder if the cream (of course they were cream filled!) went to my tummy, butt, or thighs?