Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I Quit!

Hollywood has a lot for which to answer. I took my child to a PG-13 movie two weeks ago. Mind you, W. is 12 so he's not terribly far off the "acceptable" age to see this movie without permission. Also note that I didn't know it was PG-13 before I took him (not that that would have changed my decision, mind you, but I probably would have left the 7 year old at home--I have standards, ya know). It has taken two weeks of pondering this movie but I finally got a question worthy of making me want to turn in my parenting card. My 12 year old got in the car and promptly asked me what a douche bag was. Holy guacamole! Is it too late to resign my motherhood?! First I asked him where he'd heard it. Thank-you 17 Again! Zac Efron as eye candy in no way makes up for having to field this question!!! Once I got over the relief of knowing that he hadn't called anyone a douche bag and hadn't been called one himself, I had to decide how graphic I should be. Never one to shirk embarrassing questions (I leave that role to D.), I settled on a vague and prissy, "It's a bag of liquid used to clean a woman's parts." Luckily that was more than enough for W., who turned a tad green and got very quiet. He agreed with me that it would be a terrible thing to call anyone. Not that I don't fully expect him to break it out the next time someone tries to bully him. I can hear the phone call now: "Mrs. K., we're going to have to suspend W. for calling a fellow student a douche bag." Should I practice choking back the laughter now? Really, I shouldn't be allowed to quit as mom, I should be sent back to Remedial Mothering 101. Graceful and erudite, that's me.


  1. I'm cracking up, and sort of asking, "really?" Maybe your son just goes to a nicer school! The kids at my girls school (okay its grades 9-12) call each other "douchbag" and say things like...."don't be such a douche" all the time. Most of them have NO idea what that actually is. Of course, when my older kid went there, I'd sit in the parking lot and wait for him after school. One day, just for the fun of it, I counted all the ways the F-bomb is used. Wow...its a noun, a verb, an adjective, etc.....A true multi-purpose word. I heard kids say things like, I'm so f'ing sick of my f'ing teacher. I f'd up the f'ing paper, and then she f'ing gave it back to me, and said I f'ing had to f'ing re-write the f'er. Dude, turn up the f'in music, I wanna f'in blast my f'in ears out of my f'in skull. Oh....look, she's f'in sweet....d'ya think I should f'ing ask her out???......and so on and so on...
    (makes me fear for the f'ing future of the f'ing English language.....;o)

  2. We homeschool, and yet my kids have brought home some humdinger phrases and jokes - from Tae Kwon Do, art class, and church, believe it or not.

    I had a similar experience with the movie Transformers. The movie is based on a kids' toy line, for pete's sake, so why did they need to have a scene where a mother asks her son if he was m*sturbating? I was so glad that the first time we watched the movie, the kids missed it, and I still cough very loudly through that entire scene if the boys decide to re-watch it.

  3. The joys of raising children in America today!


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