Adventures in underwear

Getting new bedroom furniture meant that I had to finally excavate the drawers in the old dresser before hauling it to the garage for Good Will. This turned out to be fairly entertaining, especially in the ole underwear drawer. For starters, I have more nylons and such than any one person should ever have (and some of them have never been opened). They must all be left over from high school when my mom was in charge of my dressed-up self because I *never* wear them now, even at my dressiest. I flat out refuse. Then I came across the mountain ranges of underwear that I had long forgotten. I found an enormous maternity pair, which we briefly considered running up the flag pole and using as a flag. When I stopped laughing and waving them about, they went into the picth pile. Also finding their way into the pitch pile were the too numerous to count pairs with elastic that had died a grisly death. You know it's time to retire the undies when you pull at the waist and hear the crunching sound of oomphless elastic and notice that the waist no longer goes back to its original size. Shame on some of those pairs because they were cute. Then again, they were from high school, the last time I myself was cute. I found about 5 pairs of brand new underwear, tags still on them, as well. I vaguely remember buying them btu have no recollection of why I didn't wear them. The good news is that these will save me from having to buy stuff to wear to the gym so I'm presentable in the locker room. The funniest find of all was the bright red, lace thong that was a gag gift from my college roommate. D. wanted me to save that one, despite the fact that I don't think I've ever worn it (just trying it on made me wiggle around like I had a permanent wedgie) so since the elastic was still decent--which begs the question of how old the stuff with bad elastic was--I kept it. But I promise to never wear it with the uncomfortably low-rise jeans I seem to have bought by mistake. How's that for a mental picture you didn't need?!