1. Shock the pants off the realtor with the ability to dismiss an entire house in 5 minutes or less and refuse to reconsider when she bemoans the fact that there really aren't many houses out there that fit the "absolute must-have" criteria.
2. Spend most of your time examining in depth any and all passing strip malls as if they aren't the same the country over (and I promise you, having lived all over the country, they truly are). Make sure to comment in an aggrieved sort of way if the strip mall doesn't have the federally mandated hair cut place, nail salon, and Chinese restaurant. Actually, almost every strip mall we passed did have all three of these in evidence and I pointed them out every time. I'm sure the realtor thinks I'm a real joker (or some other thing that is rather unprintable here).
3. Show real grief that there's not a bookstore within a five minute drive of either of the two houses you are considering. I do truly feel this but I suspect hubby feels relief as it'll take me longer to get somewhere to spend his entire paycheck. Of course, since I was in full-on witchy mode, I pointed out that all that meant was the I'd spend more in gas getting to my beloved bookstores. ::evil grin::
4. Make sure to emphasize that neither house is your dream house and therefore you can be perfectly apathetic about them. For bonus points and extra fun, when you sense that hubby is starting to lean one way, start to lean ever so slightly the other way, all the while professing that either house is certainly "acceptable" but no more than that.
5. Make elaborate and expensive lists of things that will have to be altered before you could consider living in either of the acceptable choices. I mean really, I hate certain colors and if hubby or the realtor thinks I'm not going to spend several thousand dollars eradicating all the orange, lime green, and any other colors that don't please me, they are on crack. Be sure to shake head as if in apology when hubby notes down what the house will truly cost once you've altered it to your taste [paint, new carpet, and a tile backsplash (I'm a messy cook) will really add up].
6. Quietly and sadly comment, continuously if possible, on the one feature that neither house has that you are feeling will be the greatest loss from the current house. In my case it's the basement/lack of storage. You should hear me paint the picture of the damage the heat and humidity will likely do to my precious Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. decorations and all of my craft stuff (and that's only if we can find a place out of sight to stash all of it anyway).
It really is a miracle that neither the realtor nor hubby pulled off on one of the country roads and throttled me. But the woe is me made me feel a bit better (and actually loads of it was justified given what I know we have to move) even if it made them miserable to be trapped in the car with me. ;-)