Facebook Statuses

I figure it's been a while since I did this and there might be some of you out there who don't know me in person or on Facebook so here's a little insight into who I am outside of my book opinions, the way I tick, and a side of my nutty family. A short collection of my recent status updates from Facebook (oh how I love posting status updates!) follows, with apologies to those of you who saw them the first time around. A moment of silence for my late, lamented sports bra. Felt an ominous pop this morning on my way to a match and discovered afterwards that one hook and eye were all that stood between me and flopping humiliation. That's just too much to ask of one small hook and eye and so it has been laid to rest in the garbage with appropriate honors and much mourning. Turned the car around while driving to Myrtle Beach so R. could take a picture of a sign with a misplaced apostrophe (Fresh Egg's For Sale) for her English assignment. She needs twenty instances of real world grammatical errors. On the drive, I also saw a sign that offered DVD's [sic] in its list of items but as it was on an adult bookstore, I didn't turn around to let her photograph that one. After all, her teachers don't need *actual* proof that I'm crazy. A sign D. and his neighborhood friends might actually have matured at least slightly beyond their college years? The customized beer pong table they ordered was damaged in shipping and they actually seriously considered returning it. When scooping dog poo, it's best not to scoop it in the general direction of the soccer rebounder, especially if said rebounder works as billed. Lesson learned. Probably not a good idea for a chubby girl to wear jammies printed with pigs. Just one of those revelations that hit me in the middle of the night last night. Refrained from honking at the driver's ed car sitting unmoving at a green light. Figured it would be bad form to honk impatiently and then have to follow said car all the way to school to pick R. up from her driver's ed class (the classroom portion). Today marks the first day of the year that I am the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Add this to the fact that as my children already know, I am always right (correct) and I know everything and I could be more annoying than usual this coming year. :-) Totally giggling as I sit and watch the first time parents carefully wipe off each toy as their smiling baby happily chucks them to the floor repeatedly. Stress eating works. I ate an entire bag of cookies and W. made the tennis team. 3 (4?) Hurricanes. 4 (5?) jello shots. 6 voicemails from my children. 17 missed calls from home. 1 fantastic party cut short by husband seeing disgruntled child's facebook post about the overflowing toilet leaking through the ceiling into the basement and his partying parents not answering their phones. :-P Screw red meat, cigarettes, and alcohol. The number one risk factor for heart attack and stroke is teaching teenagers to drive. Made mashed potatoes for dinner tonight. T.'s comment? "Yay! You made the chunky ones." His future wife can thank me later for setting his standards so low. Went to Costco to start stocking up for the trip and had to get new moisturizer. They didn't have my brand. The one I got is an anti-wrinkle cream with anti-aging serum. R. looked at it on the counter and sweetly and completely unsolicited said, "Mom, you don't need anti-wrinkle cream. You don't have wrinkles." Would have been sweeter if she could have gotten the whole thing out before she started snickering.