Review: Lonely by Emily White

Conditions like depression used to be talked about in whispers if at all. There was something shameful about being depressed. Surely it was just something the sufferer could cure him or herself if they put their minds to it. Now we know that this sort of thinking is wrong-headed for depression but we seem to have shifted the stigma to loneliness. And not only have we shifted the stigma but we are reluctant to name loneliness as a chronic condition needing recognition and treatment in some people. After all, we all get lonely, right? So it can't possibly be anything worth researching, spending time and money on understanding. This in-depth memoir by Emily White certainly proves otherwise.

White suffered chronic loneliness for years. She knew all of the platitudes about going out and meeting new people to combat the problem but she just couldn't. Being of an analytical mind, she threw herself into researching the problem of loneliness as a means to understand and perhaps finally combat the hell with which she was living. She found a paucity of information compared to other afflictions and discovered that loneliness was often conflated with depression. But she knew there was more to it and so kept digging. Her very thorough research weaves around, through, and beside her own story of isolation and lack of social connection. She candidly describes her own symptoms as she sank further and further into a state of chronic loneliness, how she compensated in her life, and how ashamed she was of naming her feelings, despite the fact of having watched her mother battle loneliness and therefore knowing she had a genetic predisposition for the condition. White examines the recent rise in loneliness, social factors that exacerbate the problem, and the long-term physical and emotional effects of being socially unconnected. In addition to published articles, she also interviewed volunteers who identified as lonely, using their reports to add weight to the scientific findings and echoing her own struggles.

The concept of chronic loneliness being so debilitating is new to me, more familiar as I am with situational loneliness (loneliness with a root cause in a certain situation like a move or divorce). I found White's struggle with loneliness and the fact that she chose to research it in depth as a partial coping mechanism to be incredibly interesting. The research she presents in the book is comprehensive but it often overwhelms the more personal aspect of the memoir. There was a lot to absorb in the book and that made the reading dense although White is good with words and presents scientific findings in an accessible manner. Although billed as a memoir, it is probably more properly belongs in the psychology or social science section than with the biographies and memoirs as it is heavier on the objective research than it is on memoir. But that's more a classification issue than anything else. Folks looking to read a straight memoir won't find that here but will instead find a book that goes a long way to try and bring this under-examined condition to light and to erase the stigma so prevalent around admitting to lonelinesss. It's not just a personal social problem, it's a debilitating ache that should be given more credence in the mental health profession and indeed society at large.

For more information about Emily White and the book, be sure to visit her website or her blog.



Thanks to Trish from TLC Book Tours and the publisher for sending me a copy of the book for review.

Review: Seeing Stars by Diane Hammond

What young girl doesn't have dreams of Hollywood at some time or another in her life? It might only be in the deepest, darkest, tiniest corner of her unconscious, but it's more than likely there. And for all those little girls, those now all grown up or those still day-dreaming, this is a novel for them.

Bethany Rabinowitz has talent and wants to act in Hollywood. Her mother Ruth is more than committed to making that dream a reality, packing Bethany up and moving away from their home in Seattle in hopes that Bethany will be the one in a million who makes it as a child star. Leaving behind her slightly skeptical dentist husband, Ruth chases the impossible, spending money right and left, driving Bethany from agent to acting coach to audition and back again. How much will be enough before the Rabinowitzes burn out or Bethany books a big enough part is the looming question in this novel of dreams and desperation.

Bethany is lucky though because, despite her mother's sometimes restrictive rules, Ruth cares enough to try and carefully shepherd Bethany through the process while several other of the young characters have been abandoned in their talent manager's lax care. While Bethany's life is ostensibly the center point of the novel, the other child actor wanna-be's backgrounds are also filled in, providing a counterpoint to Bethany's very average, somewhat stereotypical, love-filled upbringing. As the kids learn their parts and do the rounds, it becomes more and more clear that what drives the Hollywood business of children's acting is money. Launching a child into the firmament of Tinseltown depends on so much more than a child's talent.

Hammond has drawn a novel that questions the process, highlights the insatiable beast, and makes the idea of turning a child into a star vaguely distasteful. First impressions, superficial and often mistaken, make or break these characters. The reader feels nothing but sympathy for the children abandoned by their parents into this morass and wonders why a loving, involved parent would insist on persevering for something so likely to end in failure and an empty bank account rather than glory and a dream achieved (although that begs the question of whose dream--mother or daughter?).

Both Ruth and Bethany learn the value of real friendship and the ephemerality of childhood and time during the course of the novel. The cast of characters here is a bit too extensive, making certain of the children mere props for the plot and taking away from the principle characters. Despite this top-heaviness, the story itself is quite interesting, what with its revelations about the inner workings of auditions and the Hollywood machine. The novel is completely outside my realm of experience and I felt certain I would not have pursued things to the extent that Ruth did, but she was still a sympathetic character and one who was achingly realistic. Anyone who has ever gone to great lengths for their child or who has had their heart rate pick up just the slightest bit when a modeling agency or casting call advertisement comes on the radio will appreciate this cautionary tale.


For more, be sure to visit Diane Hammond's website. There's information on all four of her books (Hannah's Dream, Homesick Creek, Going to Bend, and this one), tour info, and even reading group guides (not one for Seeing Stars yet though).


Thanks to Trish from TLC Book Tours for sending me a review copy of this book.

Review: Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield Fisher

This chatty, conversational children's novel about a young orphan girl who goes from one set of relatives to another set and blossoms with the change is a complete delight. It's another one I had never read as a child myself but picked up because of the Shelf Discovery Challenge. Elizabeth Ann is a small, somewhat sickly, very timid child who lives with her Aunts Harriet and Frances, neither of whom are actually aunts but are related more distantly than that. Aunt Frances, who has the main care of Elizabeth Ann loves Elizabeth Ann dearly but fosters in her a very dependent relationship. She is quite fond of declaring that she "understands" this little girl left in her care. When Aunt Harriet suddenly takes sick and must go away, needing Aunt Frances, who is actually Aunt Harriet's daughter, to attend to her health, Elizabeth Ann is sent to yet more distant relatives who, not really wanting to be responsible for her care, in turn send her to her mother's aunt's family. This upheaval and plan strikes fear and shuddering into the little girl as she has heard these cousins of hers disparaged as horrible for as long as she can remember. But lo and behold, when she is finally with the "horrid Putney cousins," she comes out of her shell and starts to relish life instead of jumping at her own shadow. She learns independence and resourcefulness under the laconic and easy care of these country-living folks. Rechristened Betsy, she is expected to help around the house and to master her own fears. She finds sympathy when she needs it but is not coddled, and stops thinking that her every thought and action is of utmost importance to Cousin Ann, Aunt Abigail, and Uncle Henry. Over the months of living with these cousins, Betsy grows into a sturdy, healthy child who learns much of life and of another way to love and be loved. Written in 1917 and set in that decade, the slower, simpler way of life at the time is now nostalgic for readers. The characters are appealing and wonderful and Fisher manages to show that Betsy is happier and healthier with the Putney cousins without disparaging Aunt Frances and her more fearful, fluttery parenting style. This is a sweet book and one that I'm glad I finally made the acquaintance of.

Review: This Lovely Life by Vicki Forman

Vicki Forman's twins Ellie and Evan were born at only 23 weeks and weighed just over a pound a piece when they were born. Knowing as she did, the terrible odds stacked against her babies, Forman begged doctors to let them go at birth instead of using heroic measures to keep them alive. But doctors didn't listen and the babies were whisked off to the NICU to start the fight to live. Ellie died four days later. Evan faced almost every medical challenge possible but he lived. This devastating memoir is the story of Evan's survival, the long road both emotionally and medically that the entire Forman family faced, having lost one baby and having another with multiple permanent disabilities. It is harrowing and open and anger and guilt-fueled but it is also the story of a powerful love both for the baby who died and the baby who didn't. It is primarily a memoir of motherhood, or as the subtitle says, premature motherhood, although Forman does touch on some of her husband's grief and way of coping with the overwhelming uncertainty and dread and on how they as a couple found the strength to continue on together in the face of the enormous obstacles facing Evan.

This story will leave the reader drained but impressed with the empowerment and advocacy that Forman grew into in the unexpected years of mothering her disabled but no less perfect for that boy. The winner of the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference Bakeless Prize, this is exquisitely written and deeply felt. It takes the reader on the roller coaster ride that parents with medically fragile children face every day. And it gives a glimpse of the unrelentingly different sense of normal experienced by families with ex-micropreemies or multiply disabled children. Much of the memoir focuses on the first two years of Evan's life and how Forman became the mother he needed. But it also deals with the way she bottled her grief for the loss of Ellie because of Evan's daily struggle. And while there's no miracle ending here, there is still a sense of the miraculous and the beautiful. Life and death are so intimately intertwined here, ethical and moral questions abound but ultimately there's an all pervading mother love, strongly and unstintingly stated. It feels strange to say that a story so shattering can be hopeful and affirmative and yes, even enjoyable, but it is. Just be prepared to weep yourself dry when you read this incredibly worthwhile memoir.

Thanks to the publisher for a review copy of the book.

Review: That Summer by Sarah Dessen

Haven is fifteen and her summer is turning out to be rotten. Opening with a view of her mother elbow deep in dirt gardening on the day Haven's father, a local sportscaster, gets married to the weather girl (not so fondly nicknamed "the Weather Pet" by Haven's mother) from his station, things are really not going Haven's way. Not only has her father re-married, but Haven's best friend goes away to camp and changes drastically, her sister's upcoming wedding is turning her into a terrible Bridezilla, and Haven herself feels like a freak thanks to her unusual height. When one of her sister's ex-boyfriends shows up, Haven latches onto him, thinking that the summer when Sumner was around was a golden time in their family. Alternating between her memories of that summer two years ago and the present summer, this is the story of a young girl facing major changes both outside of her control and within herself.

Dessen has nicely captured the pain and humiliation of being fifteen and her portrayal of Haven's longing for a past summer when things looked so much rosier is poignant. Some of the minor characters are a bit over the top though. Haven's sister is a selfish monster and is allowed to be a ridiculous, shrewish brat for a very long time given her age and imminent marriage herself. Haven's best friend turns from good girl to love-struck teen rebel seemingly overnight. And Haven's mother's portrayal as the newly divorced going out on the town without considering her 15 year old daughter struggling to cope with all the changes is a bit far fetched. But despite the stereotypical characterizations of these minor characters, the book will still resonate with teens, especially those who are searching for the person into whom they want to grow. Light and easily read, I can see why Dessen is a recommended read for the late middle school, early high school set. Overall, it's a nice read.

Review: Old Friends and New Fancies by Sybil Brinton

As a complete sucker for all things Jane Austen, need I say that the idea of reading the very first "sequel" to Pride and Prejudice was an appealing one to me? Even better than that was dicovering that this is more than just a Pride and Prejudice sequel. As its newly minted subtitle claims, it is a sequel to all the novels. Pulling many favorite characters from all of Austen's best-loved works, Brinton has created a fun romp through Regency England in the company of Austen's secondary characters.

This is not focused on the main characters of Aussten's books. After all, she wrapped their stories up fairly neatly. Instead, the focus is on Georgiana Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam, Kitty Bennett and Mary Crawford, Tom Bertram and William Price, and others. While some purists shudder at the thought of introducing these characters to each other, Regency society was fairly small and so people of the same social standing could be expected to have connections to each other, making this intermingling of Austen's creations feasible.

The plot, while not as witty and sharp as Austen's herself, is quite entertaining, opening with Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam breaking their engagement to each other to the stern annoyance of Lady Catherine. Both will look for suitable partners throughout the rest of the book. Each will have to overcome societal obstacles as well as the difficulties of their own hearts and personalities in order to be happy.

As with most Austen sequels, a reader who is not familiar with the backstory and characters from the originals will be disappointed with the novel. But Austen fans who are willing to allow the mingling of their best-loved minor characters will likely enjoy this short and quick read.