Running: a new low

My running has officially hit a new low. No, it's not the fact that I seem to run once every several weeks or so (if you search through the sparse running posts on here, you'll find that's become kind of a theme). It's also not the fact that I am again carrying 20 pounds that I thought I'd seen the last of permanently. It's not the fact that I am slower than molasses in January at the North Pole (honestly, people out for a Sunday stroll probably saunter faster than I run at this point). It's not the fact that my 4 inch long leg hair created a *huge* wind drag (it's been a long time since high physics so just let me believe this please) or that all the jiggly bits of me wobbled alarmingly and at high frequency as I ran. Of course, none of those things help any. But I've hit a new low because I now spend my run creating Facebook statuses (or writing entire blog posts!) in my head.

Case in point: Today I went out to run for the first time in an eon because I have discovered a group of neighbors who are just starting out running and want to train for a 5K. They said I can join them on Mondays and Thursdays. I need all the incentive and help and comraderie I can get. So I thought I should get out there today and see how I feel. First I discovered that the iPod had lost its charge. Then I putzed around the house doing all sorts of odds and ends to put off the actual run. But I finally got out there. As I started out, my watch immediately beeped at me to slow down. When I'm in shape, I ignore it. Today, I cheerfully slowed way the snot down. Then as I tackled the first uphill (into the wind for added insult), I had to cough. Now the old bladder ain't what she used to be pre-kids. And so the lightbulb went on in my head that I had just come up with a good facebook status: "K. shouldn't cough and run at the same time. That's an accident no longer waiting to happen." (And yes, that is my current status because I like to overshare, especially if it earns me a laugh.) And that was that.

The rest of the run was spent coming up with status updates and once I realized that I could never contain all my thoughts in so brief a space, this blog post. Interestingly, you can track the run through the status updates I thought of as I plugged away. The above was followed by "K.'s legs feel decent but her lungs aren't happy." Then came "K. is very grateful that the uphill parts of this route are mostly on the way out. Coming back should be okay." Next was "K. should have pulled the covers back over her head when she talked herself into running this morning." Then "Oooo. A worm." (It rained here earlier today and I'm distractable; what can I say?) Next was, "K. knows it's a darn good thing she's on the return run." Followed closely by "K. wants to know when the slight downhills on the way out turned into nearly vertical, scaling Half Dome sorts of uphills on the way home?" Next was "K. thinks perhaps she should fork over the money for a Road ID for when some Good Samaritan finds her mute and gasping on the side of the road." (Incidentally mom, a RoadID would be a good present for both S. and me at Christmas.) Then was "K.'s children can skip backwards faster than she is currently running. Does it still count as running if this is the case?" Almost last was "K.'s extra 20 lbs. ::gasp:: makes for some seriously ::gasp:: awful chub rub." And finally was "K. hopes that they don't put her in her running clothes to bury her unless they are 110% certain she's going to end up in Hell. No wait, she's in Hell now." All my Facebook friends are currently wiping brows with relief that I can't mobile upload (never mind that my cell phone is never charged even if I had the app).

But I ran the whole route, which is more than I expected to be able to do when I set out. Granted it was a mere 2 1/2 miles, but hey. Beggars can't be choosers! Oh, there was one last status update: "K. is going to wring those little buggers' necks for eating all of the pretzels with Hugs and M&Ms." This last skittered through my very tired brain as I noticed the empty bucket in the freezer while scooping ice into my very large glug of water. Here's hoping tomorrow's company keeps me from being so, erm, creative in my thoughts!