Sunday, November 17, 2013

Sunday Salon: Chances are you're an introvert

Not too long ago there was a list going around the internet to determine if you are an introvert. I didn't really need to take it to know I am an extreme introvert but I only disagreed with one statement on it. It just (re)confirmed what I have long known. I'm currently reading a book that greatly appeals to my introverted nature, The Consolations of the Forest, a chronicle of one man's six months alone in a cabin on the Siberian taiga, and as I read, I find myself not only savoring his experience but having to fight some measure of jealousy that he could so fully retreat from the world and people for so long. I have another book about introverts on my radar to read soon as well since my book club has chosen to read Quiet for our November/December meeting and I'm looking forward to seeing the research behind the personality type. It strikes me that books about introverts or about situations that might make a fellow introvert flush with desire are pitched to the perfect crowd. I suspect that many, many, many readers, if not most, are introverts. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are extroverts who love to read too but it follows pretty easily that folks who love to spend hours immersed in a book and living in their own world aren't often the type to recharge their energy by being with people.

This past summer I took over as President of my local Women's National Book Club Association, a group dedicated to book industry professionals, readers, and writers. It's a great group and I love being a part of it. But I would be lying if I didn't say that there were aspects of being President that stress me out. One of the charges of the President is to mingle at all social events, welcome new members, greet guests, and generally make the social portion of any event comfortable for everyone. I would far rather be sitting in a corner reading my own book until the event starts. The President typically also gives a short speech before each event thanking people for coming, mentioning any new business and future events, and introducing the speaker, if there is one. This part of my job makes me want to vomit. Public speaking gives me nightmares. But since I agreed to the position (blithely glossing over the social and public parts in my head when I accepted it), I have had to learn to cope. And one of the best ways I found to cope was to look around me at these events and to realize that everyone there was also a book person and odds were, they were at least almost as introverted as I am. And that helped.

At our first meeting this year, and thus the first one to which I had to welcome everyone publicly after mingling (two things high on my avoidance list), I met an author who was new to our chapter. And as we chatted, she admitted that she had joined the group in order to force herself out of her comfort zone knowing that she needed to learn to be better at promoting her books. She had been nervous about coming to the meeting (the first one of the year is always a social networking meeting for us) because she didn't know anyone and found chatting with strangers difficult. Hello fellow introvert! I think that's when it occurred to me that if you're a reader or a writer, chances are high that you're an introvert. So I told her. I admitted that I wasn't so hot in social situations either. My own husband, who has known me since college, admitted that people found me a little intimidating and aloof at college parties when what I was really feeling was uncomfortable and awkward. But I told the author that the group she was standing in at that very moment was a group of her people. It was a collection of editors, agents, authors, librarians, readers, etc. and that with the possible exception of our PR person and maybe the agents, that we were all, to a woman, introverts. And we were all feeling the same anxiety about chatting that she was feeling so even if that didn't make it easier to approach someone she didn't know, at least it might make that moment when an awkward silence descended, because in conversations between introverts who don't know each other and are trying to make small talk it is inevitable that an awkward silence will descend, a little easier to accept and maybe even joke about.

I've obviously gotten a little better at faking it over the years and I've even managed to fool people into thinking that I'm not nearly as much of an introvert as I really am. But I will always be the person trying to calculate how much she'd be missed if she just headed over to hide out behind a plant, pulled out my book, and let the social stuff swirl around without me. What about you, my fellow book people? Are you, like I suspect, introverts too?

This week I am enjoying being a hermit on the taiga but and I am also still immersed in the amazing confluence of events that happened in the summer of 1927. I rooted for an events planner and a kilted hunk to save a small town's historic Scottish Games, finished visiting with the African American mantua maker who became close friends with Mary Todd Lincoln, spent time reading about a young single woman and a broken scientist as they figured out which love story they belonged in, watched as Mary Bennet changed and matured and found her own perfect match, and chuckled as a rebellious teen forced into a hoop skirt navigated the archaic Magnolia Maid court that her late mother had done so many years before her. Where did your bookish travels take you this week?

13 comments:

  1. Absolutely I'm an introvert here, although I sometimes mask it online and IRL. However, I've been in that cabin...well, a cabin at a monastery for a weekend one time years ago and let's just say, it's not it's all cracked up to be. A fox screaming in the middle of the night, for example. Not so much...if I did go to a cabin again, I'd make sure I had my iPod with me to drown out the silence. :)

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  2. I am a complete and total introvert! I sometimes consider myself a forced extrovert because I have held a number of leadership positions, having to speak in front of large crowds, and have taught classes. It takes me a while to get used to being in front of crowd, but I can do it. BUT, I still prefer to be in the corner reading. Prime example was a few years ago. My husband and I were invited to a Super Bowl Party. I didn't know many people there and had no desire to interact with them. I brought my book along and when my husband saw it hidden in my bag, he cracked up. It's a little inside joke between us now!

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  3. I am not an introvert. I love to read, but I love people, too. Interesting people, anyway. Interesting people who read, especially.

    I liked Quiet a lot. I want to give it to my dad. My entire childhood was spent with my dad saying, "Get your head out of that book and look around at the world." I wish my dad knew all the wonderful facts about introverts that I learned from Quiet. Introverts get a bad rap.

    Not that I am an introvert. Not really.

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  4. I'm not an introvert. I love books, but I love people, too. Especially people who read.

    Quiet made a great case for the value of introverts. I wish my dad would read it. My whole childhood was spent with my dad urging me to get my head out of a book. Wish more people knew the value of spending some time reading.

    Not that I am an introvert. Not really....

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  5. Loved the blog post! I could relate to many aspects of it...and nowadays, some old friends are even calling me a "hermit," of all things, for staying home and reading and writing, etc. I hid my introvert self for years in my primary career as a social worker, that forced me to go out there and "cold call" people in intense situations. But for some reason, it was not as difficult as those social situations you described....and which made me seem aloof, too.

    But after a long day of those intense encounters, I holed up in my room to read and/or watch TV. I needed it!

    Thanks for sharing...and for visiting my blog.

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  6. I enjoyed Quiet.

    I'm an introvert but I found an extroverted part of myself at around age 40. It helped that the field I needed to be more extroverted in was librarianship. Naturally librarians are like readers and writers in tending toward introversion. As you noted, one of the most helpful things was to realize that I was in a room full of introverts and so my extroversion doesn't have to be perfectly graceful to be a welcome addition.

    Joy's Book Blog

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  7. I spent 20 years in Human Resources -- not a good career choice for an introvert who despises too much people interaction. I had to do presentations from time to time which made me ill until I learned to find the "friendly faces" in the audience and focus on those people when I spoke -- it really helped. Fortunately once my children we grown and on their own, I was able to leave the field and choose a 2nd career in a better field for me: "libraries". It's been 12 years and hope to retire next year....I hope:0

    BTW - I really enjoyed the audio version of Quiet - hope you enjoy it.

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  8. Found you through Introverts are Awesome on Facebook, and I really like what you say here. It took me a lot of years to accept how introverted I am, and it was a great relief when I did. I've just started reading Quiet and am enjoying it very much so far.
    One thing I find is that I'm fine with public speaking (which I've done quite a lot of over the years in my jobs). For a long time this didn't seem to fit with my introversion, but I've realised it's because it has the security of being a role. So I can quite happily stand up and address a room, but when I have to make smalltalk afterwards, that's when I struggle!

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  9. I did not travel so far as you this week in my reading. I spent time with Alice Munro in Canada and then on to swallow up several Junie B Jones books from a friend's daughter's bookshelf upon news of the author's passing.
    This week I am hoping to visit Sunny San Diego via a travelogue,

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  10. I often had my head in a book when I was younger, but mostly when I wasn't supposed to.. like school! I read a lot, but I was also very active outdoors, which I think is also important, hence the 'get your head out of that book'. Though of course parents shouldn't discourage reading!
    I'm hugely introvert, but I got a lot better at hiding it over the last two-four years.

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  11. I often had my head in a book when I was younger, but mostly when I wasn't supposed to.. like school! I read a lot, but I was also very active outdoors, which I think is also important, hence the 'get your head out of that book'. Though of course parents shouldn't discourage reading!
    I'm hugely introvert, but I got a lot better at hiding it over the last two-four years.

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  12. Introvert here too - though I'm much better at hiding it now. I often had my head in a book as a child, but I know it's also important to do other things, like running around outside, which I also did.. Of course kids shouldn't be discouraged to read, but a bit of balance is good! When I was alone for long and just read a lot, it was weird coming back to 'real life'. I still get that with certain books and movies - it's like I become part of that other reality!

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  13. I am definitely an introvert and totally related to Quiet by Susan Cain; glad you enjoyed it.

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