Friday, August 7, 2009

New little bits of wisdom

I just got home from vacation last night and thought I'd share some of my recent discoveries so as to save all of you from having to stumble across the truth yourselves.

1. Jack Kerouac had drugs and booze as his On the Road diet. I had Doritos, Diet Coke, and Nutty Bars. Jack Kerouac remained thin. I have puffed up like the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. Clearly the lesson here is to eschew food for drugs and booze or prepare to replace your entire wardrobe at the fat lady store.

2. I should never assume that R.'s abandonned Lipsmackers can double as chapstick. Moon Rock Candy flavor in particular is silver (and gross tasting to boot). Now the silver on my lips can match the silver in my hair. It looks like I am having a delayed Goth period and that's not pretty. Probably serves me right for not being more girly and actually wearing lipstick with a color to it.

3. A book of over 900 pages that has been completely immersed in a lake long enough to suck up half of the lake water can still be wet over a month later despite diligent efforts to dry it out. And the mold blooms on it will come in just about all colors of the rainbow. Pretty...NOT!

4. A child faced with dance try-outs will only consent to work on her splits two days before try-outs commence despite the fact that I nagged her all summer. Citing financial irresponsibility (we have to pay for tryouts) on her part does not even begin to move a child of 10.


  1. Stick to the food, not the booze or will fair better. You can alway lose weight, but addiction to drugs is anothr whole "ball of wax"...just my thoughts on it.

  2. I hear ya on the tryouts. Since I have a boy, we never did dance, but every tryout was the same and if he didn't do well, it was always my fault. Kids.

  3. You are so funny. I have had the same thought on the drugs vs food debate myself. God, I was so much thinner when I smoked cigarettes! Sure, I smelled like a seedy bar but I was thin! yeah, I guess it is just not worth it in the end.

    That's gross about the Lipsmackers.

    Sorry about your book. That stinks.

    I was one of those who procrastinated to the last minute before tryouts as well, if I even practiced at all before tryouts. I went to softball tryouts and did not even know how to bat the right way and then was sad when I only made JV. Hello!


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