1. Jack Kerouac had drugs and booze as his On the Road diet. I had Doritos, Diet Coke, and Nutty Bars. Jack Kerouac remained thin. I have puffed up like the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. Clearly the lesson here is to eschew food for drugs and booze or prepare to replace your entire wardrobe at the fat lady store.
2. I should never assume that R.'s abandonned Lipsmackers can double as chapstick. Moon Rock Candy flavor in particular is silver (and gross tasting to boot). Now the silver on my lips can match the silver in my hair. It looks like I am having a delayed Goth period and that's not pretty. Probably serves me right for not being more girly and actually wearing lipstick with a color to it.
3. A book of over 900 pages that has been completely immersed in a lake long enough to suck up half of the lake water can still be wet over a month later despite diligent efforts to dry it out. And the mold blooms on it will come in just about all colors of the rainbow. Pretty...NOT!
4. A child faced with dance try-outs will only consent to work on her splits two days before try-outs commence despite the fact that I nagged her all summer. Citing financial irresponsibility (we have to pay for tryouts) on her part does not even begin to move a child of 10.