I Quit!

Hollywood has a lot for which to answer. I took my child to a PG-13 movie two weeks ago. Mind you, W. is 12 so he's not terribly far off the "acceptable" age to see this movie without permission. Also note that I didn't know it was PG-13 before I took him (not that that would have changed my decision, mind you, but I probably would have left the 7 year old at home--I have standards, ya know). It has taken two weeks of pondering this movie but I finally got a question worthy of making me want to turn in my parenting card. My 12 year old got in the car and promptly asked me what a douche bag was. Holy guacamole! Is it too late to resign my motherhood?! First I asked him where he'd heard it. Thank-you 17 Again! Zac Efron as eye candy in no way makes up for having to field this question!!! Once I got over the relief of knowing that he hadn't called anyone a douche bag and hadn't been called one himself, I had to decide how graphic I should be. Never one to shirk embarrassing questions (I leave that role to D.), I settled on a vague and prissy, "It's a bag of liquid used to clean a woman's parts." Luckily that was more than enough for W., who turned a tad green and got very quiet. He agreed with me that it would be a terrible thing to call anyone. Not that I don't fully expect him to break it out the next time someone tries to bully him. I can hear the phone call now: "Mrs. K., we're going to have to suspend W. for calling a fellow student a douche bag." Should I practice choking back the laughter now? Really, I shouldn't be allowed to quit as mom, I should be sent back to Remedial Mothering 101. Graceful and erudite, that's me.